


My Answer Is You

by MelodyStar188



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soulmates, barista seungwoo, mention of suicide, only a hobby though, poet seungyoun, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:46:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22313482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodyStar188/pseuds/MelodyStar188
Summary: Seungyoun forgets his letter at the cafe and barista Seungwoo stumbled upon it. He wished he had seen it sooner.// In which Seungwoo cares too much for his favorite customer -- alternatively a borderline stranger.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Han Seungwoo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	My Answer Is You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a lyric fic in a way and it's not that great (I'm sure there are many grammar mistakes haha) but I wrote this to cope and I hope you guys enjoy~

It’s cold

_Where are you?_

I’m lost

_What’s your name?_

I feel hopeless

_Why?_

I have no one to talk to

_Talk to me_

So I’ll bottle up my emotions in this ink

_What emotions are you thinking right now?_

There’s no one next to me

_I’ll be next to you_

Everyone hates me

_That’s not true_

It’s dark and I can’t see

_I can be your light_

I have nowhere to go

_Go to me_

I’m sorry. Goodbye. 

Seungwoo felt sick to his stomach as the first tear fell down his face. His hands gripped on the delicate piece of paper that he found was discarded to the foot of the chair in the cafe. The owner of this paper wasn’t a regular customer but he came frequently enough so that Seungwoo at least recognized his features. He was his favorite customer because his smile would always lift any stress the older had. He had left a while ago so there was little to no use chasing after him, and besides, he’d probably get fired if he left without properly locking the place down. As Seungwoo tucked the letter securely in his pockets, a million thoughts went through his head. 

He couldn’t sleep that night. All he could think about was how unexpected that letter was. Every single time the mysterious man had come to the cafe, he was always smiling brightly with some friends or by himself but to think that under his smile was so much doubt and insecurity...hell, Seungwoo _watched_ him write it as he made the man’s usual ice americano and all he could do now was replay the image over and over again, haunting himself until the sun rose and Tuesday came. 

Dragging himself up, he turned on the tv news (even though Dongpyo teased him for being an old man with it) and got dressed accordingly. He would have to wait to see the man again until he clocked in for work, which unfortunately began at 7 pm. And even then, there was no guarantee that the man would be there, he came at spontaneous times after all. 

Seungwoo’s focus was interrupted as headlines on the news stoically spoke:

**_This, just in, broadcasting from Gongnam Station reports that a man around his mid 30s has committed suicide on December 20th at 9:00 in the morning. His body was found on a plank below Gwangan bridge, his head suffers severe injuries as investigators continue to inspect the cause-_ **

“No, no no no no no...” Seungwoo shakily grabbed his phone and called Wooseok. “Hey, can I- can I fill in for you today? I- I can’t explain I just really need to,” his mind went blank, too shocked to comprehend words. He needed to see the man at the cafe ordering his usual americano, he needed affirmation.

“Woah, calm down what’s up? Uh yeah sure I mean if you want to.”

So here Seungwoo was, anxiously waiting. And waiting. All he could do was torture himself at the thought of wondering if the man would ever show up. He needed to show up.

11 am

2 pm

5 pm

The sound of the door opening fades into the back of his head but a familiar husky voice breaks his revere. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the voice he was waiting to hear.

“Uh, can I get a medium caramel macchiato?” A man shuffles his hands into his pockets for a wallet. Seungwoo recognizes him, he was with the author of that letter a few times before, seemingly his friend. Seungwoo wanted to ask him a billion questions but he couldn’t think of a single one. How was he supposed to find clues of the man without freaking him out?

As soon as he knew it, he already made the drink and the man exchanged the payment before turning on his heel to leave. Seungwoo wanted to say something, anything, but the words got caught in his throat. This seems to be an annoying habit of his recently.

“Hey uh, the guy- you know, the black haired guy that you come here with sometimes? Um, Woodz, was it?”

“Oh, Seungyoun?” he scratched his head before a grim look appeared on his face, “so you’ve heard about him huh? I don’t know if you guys are acquaintances or something but feel free to come to the funeral, I’m sure he would appreciate it. You know how he is, making connections with every person he meets.” the man typed up something on his phone and flashed an image of an address so Seungwoo could copy it down.

Remembering that his manager was nearby, he realized that he didn’t have time to ask questions. As much as they’re burning in his throat, conscious screaming at himself to get some closure, he swallowed them all down. After taking a picture of the address and muttering a small thank you, the man was already on his way out.

He wanted to cry. These pathetic attempts of his were futile but he still wanted to keep going. Yet the last string of hope had fallen out of his grasp. 

This was no longer about relieving his own selfish conscience. The sadness that emitted the letter had devastated Seungwoo. Despite these grim thoughts, the man was always seen smiling as bright as the sun and goofing off with his friends. Now that he thinks about it, lately the man has been coming by himself and had been smiling less. Damn it how come Seungwoo didn’t realize the signs sooner. He must have been hurting so much. 

To think that the enigma that has always attracted him in the most arcane way had been going through such thoughts. Perhaps if they had met under different circumstances, he could have gotten to know him better. They could’ve been closer friends, he could’ve been a bigger existence in the man’s life rather than his barista acquaintance. Maybe they could have been lovers. As far-fetched as that sounds, for some reason Seungwoo believes it. If only he got to know him…

He couldn’t bring himself to attend the funeral that day. Instead, he decided to visit the address the next morning where he’ll be by himself without a bunch of strangers who would be mourning for much stronger reasons.

So here he was, walking with that letter in one hand and a bouquet of lilacs in the other. His feet slightly trudging against the ground as he walked past grave after grave, horribly anxious of seeing the name ‘Seungyoun’ appear on any of them. 

He felt uncomfortable because here he was searching for a borderline stranger. They weren’t best friends. They weren’t family. He didn’t even know his name until yesterday. Why was he even here?

Before he could make it halfway, he saw from the corner of his eye a man apparently running towards him and he nearly dropped the letter and flowers. 

“It’s you! Seungwoo!” he exclaimed, remembering Seungwoo’s name from countlessly looking at his nametag. 

Without a second thought, Seungwoo rushed up to him and grabbed his shoulders, trying to make sure that he was here and that he wasn’t imagining things. “You’re here. You’re alive,” he whispers unbelievingly.

Seungyoun was taken aback by the intense stare so his eyes averted to the letter by Seungwoo’s feet.

“A-ah that poem,” he flustered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave it at the cafe. I guess I forgot but when I realized and came back to get it, the cafe was already closed. And I assumed that you guys would’ve thrown it out by the next morning so I didn’t bother to come back-”

“Was it a suicide note?” he straightforwardly asked.

“No- ah you see, my dad just passed away so I guess I just wrote out my feelings to calm myself down in a way. I like writing poems as a hobby so I do that kind of thing sometimes,” he laughs. All of a sudden, Seungwoo brings a hand up to his cheek so close that it’s barely touching. Almost as if he wants to but he can’t. 

A gasp of surprise slips through his lips, “Eh? W-what’s up?”

“You’re smiling but you look so sad.” the older’s voice strained out, looking at him with eyes full of tenderness and worry. 

He saw past his facade and behind that smile was a vulnerable boy who just wanted to cry but couldn’t find the courage to. Seungyoun’s walls broke down and he extended his arms, indicating that he wanted a hug. Without any words needing to be said, the arms on his shoulders wrapped around his torso and Seungwoo hugs him so tightly and warm that his knees nearly buckle. He hugs him tighter and soon felt weak arms caressing his back trying to pull them closer. 

“I- I almost did it,” Seungyoun says almost as if he’s now realizing it. “I almost wanted to do it. To take my life. I just wanted dad back.” his voice was hoarse, sobs starting to escape his throat.

“I couldn’t help but feel like I had no one. I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems.” He hiccuped, eyes stinging from the tears that wouldn’t fall. The way he holds onto Seungwoo’s shirt like it’s a lifeline nearly breaks his heart.

“I know but in times like these you _need_ to realize that you have friends who love you and are willingly there for you when you feel this way. Don’t take it out on yourself because they’re here for you.” _You don’t deserve to be alone._

They stay like that for a few minutes. After Seungyoun had calmed down and had slumped in his arms, Seungwoo figured that he was exhausted so he suggested that they sit for a while. Seungyoun talked about his father and how he wished he could’ve been better to him when he had the chance. Seungwoo listened and comforted him while also talking about similar situations. 

“I don’t mean to be rude, but hyung why did you think I was dead?”

“Well I saw on the news that a 30 year old man died. And then one of your friends came to the cafe and when I asked about you, he told me to attend your funeral and that ‘you would appreciate it’. Hangyul, I think his name was.”

Seungyoun started bursting into laughter, soon choking because his throat was still sore from earlier. Seungwoo pat his back in an attempt to help, trying not to chuckle himself because the other’s laugh was contagious. Even back when Seungyoun scarcely started to visit the cafe, the older would find himself smiling whenever he heard the loud giggles from across the room. 

“Of course that dumbass would find a way to word it like that,” he wipes the small tear on his eye, "and I'm not 30! I look nothing like 30, I'm only two years younger than you, 23," he proudly sniffed. 

Eventually, the younger popped out an underlying question.

“...hyung. Did you come here because you felt guilty of ‘me dying’?”

“No,” he answered truthfully after a while of contemplation, “feeling miserable over something that I ultimately couldn’t control wasn’t going to fix anything. I’ve learned that lesson a lot.”

Seungyoun was fiddling with their touching hands, idly placing their palms against each other to compare the size difference. _His hands are so warm_ , Seungwoo noted. Seungyoun hummed in agreement before whispering.

“Then why’d you come here?”

“Honestly...I wanted to see your smile again.” 

Seungwoo knew that it was the truthful answer deep down in his heart but he still couldn’t help being surprised over the fact that he managed to say it out loud. He was a listener, not a speaker. But the soft sight of the man in front of him, who usually puts up an unmovingly optimistic front, was quite worth it. Seungyoun was caught off guard by his statement and retorted to looking down at his hands to avoid eye contact. 

For a split second, Seungyoun could’ve sworn he saw a glimpse of a red glow on his pinky linked by a thin thread to the older’s. It was so fast, he was conflicted on whether he even saw anything at all or not. But it reminded him of the man sitting beside him at the moment. 

Before he showed up, Seungyoun had been secretly waiting for some sort of sign, some light of hope. Apparently his light came in the form of Seungwoo.

Biting his lip, he mustered up the bravery to intertwine his fingers with the much larger ones and looked Seungwoo in the eyes, softly smiling for the first true time that day.

“Well thank you for being my light,” he whispers and yet Seungwoo heard it loud and clear, echoing through his head. He feebly nods, too far into their staring trance to bother with any verbal responses. 

He looks down at their hands and catches a slight hue of red surrounding their pinkies. Looking back up, he finds Seungyoun’s equally surprised expression. All of a sudden, the raven started to smile bashfully, eyes glimmering as if they were galaxies filled with stars. Seungwoo feels addicted to the sight. 

“Hey…do you believe in soulmates?”

**Author's Note:**

> Never stop fighting for our family X1, One Its. They're a big pillar in our hearts and this fandom won't break. Hope you guys stay healthy and safe ♡♡


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